He contacted his old college roommate to get information on hiring a photographer in a country in which the guy once lived (Italy). He bought the plane tickets not just for him and you, but also for your mom and dad so they could experience the joy with you as a family. He had custom t-shirts made for you both to wear after he popped the question (foreseeing an announcement photo opportunity). And he even created a soundtrack of your special songs to play at the exact hour the sun went down over the Italian Alps. He did it all, and the plan went off without a hitch, and you said yes, and your parents cried. It was magical, and emotional, and exactly how you would have wanted your engagement to go. Except for one small thing. One very small thing. And unfortunately, with everyone asking to see your ring now that you’re home, this “very small” thing is the one thing you just can’t get over.
So… what exactly do you do if you hate your engagement ring? For starters, you never, ever tell him that you hate your engagement ring. Here’s what you do instead…
Maybe you imagined something smaller than you received. Or heck, maybe you think the diamond they gave you is too big for you (in which case, when was the last time you checked your temperature?). Either way, you’re not happy with your ring, and if you’re not happy now, right after receiving it, you’re not going to be happy a year from now after you’ve looked at it for 365 days straight.
The first thing to do is to talk to your significant other. Let them know all the positives first: that you love that they picked it out on their own, that the color and clarity is exactly what you were looking for, and that the mounting is absolutely perfect (you may want to over-indulge a bit on the compliments before you hit them with what you don’t like.) Then, let them know that you want to start this new journey together not just with love and goals and dreams, but, most importantly, with honesty. Tell them that you want to be happy every day you look at the ring because the ring is a reminder of every day you’ll share with them. Be humble, and vulnerable, and we guarantee they’ll understand. Well, we can’t technically guarantee that, but we think they should, so hopefully that counts for something.
Another thing you may want to do is mention that you’re happy to pay for any changes made to the ring, which they may not let you do, but it will go a heck of a long way that you offered.
This is actually a much easier issue to deal with and most of the time, doesn’t cause much anguish because the cost of the mounting is usually a fraction of the cost of the diamond.
Again, go with the honesty route. I like to use car analogies in order to give your guy a metaphor they might be able to understand. Say something like, “Babe, if I went out and bought you a car for your 40th birthday, but I got you a Hyundai in bright lime green, wouldn’t you tell me you’d rather have an Audi in black? I wouldn’t be offended because I would feel like if I spent that much money on something, I’d want you to enjoy it.”
A mounting change is fairly simple, and most jewelers – online or otherwise – do have some sort of return or exchange policy, since many of them understand that women are usually more involved when it comes to picking out their own ring.
This is not you being picky, and it’s important that you remember that fact. This is your ring. It’s yours. It was given to you by someone who has promised to have your best interests at heart, and if you’re not thrilled with the shape of your center stone, it is totally your right to feel that way, and they should be okay with you getting something different.
We suggest mentioning that you would maybe like to just go looking at other diamonds just to make sure the one you have has the most brilliance and fire and that you’re sure it’s the one you want to pass down to the next generation of your family, because at the end of the day, these facts are true. You do like your diamond, you’re just not sure you love it. But maybe if you have it up against other shapes, you’ll still be happy with the one you have.
At the end of the day, a relationship that starts with dishonesty also often ends that way, so as long as you’re gentle, and kind, and appreciative, and above all else, humble, there should be no issue with getting the ring you know you’re assured to love for the rest of your life.
Images courtesy of With Love Lily Rose, Chloe Wen and Brides Magazine.